Here's an amusing, tongue-in-cheek, MotoGP Christmas list, as provided by the always interesting Camel media service... so don't complain to us!

Valentino Rossi:
A semaphore book in order he can learn what waved yellow flags really mean. Also a bottle of the very best champagne to celebrate his decision to join Yamaha and make the cold winter months bearable just thinking about next season.

Sete Gibernau:
A signed portrait of David Beckam in order that Sete can get his ponytail to look even more like Beck's. Also a set of wing mirrors to enable Sete see Makoto Tamada arriving for that right hander at Motegi next year.

Max Biaggi:
A Friends video after he shook hands with Valentino Rossi when his bitter rival won the title.

Loris Capirossi:
A pair of high heeled boots.

Nicky Hayden:
A disguise kit including dark glasses and a beard to keep the girls away when trying to race. Also a Duke of Hazards video to remind Nicky of home.

Troy Bayliss:
A pair of clippers to keep that hair short and some ear plugs to help get some sleep with that new baby crying.

Carlos Checa:
A set of fluorescent leathers with flashing christmas lights in order to be noticed in his pit next year, which he will share with a certain Valentino Rossi.

Alex Barros:
An International book on contract law to help him negotiate his way out of his Yamaha contract or perhaps just the name of a good lawyer.

Makoto Tamada:
A Spanish phrase book in order that he can shout at Sete Gibernau to get out of the way. Also a bottle of Cod Liver Oil to stop him smiling the whole time and especially when talking to Race Direction.

Colin Edwards:
Some ribs, steak and sausages to put on his Barbecue which was burning well at the Sachsenring last season. Some hair restorer if he's going to keep up with his new team-mate Sete Gibernau.

Noriyuki Haga:
A map of Britain to help him find the venues for the British Superbike Championship next season.

Marco Melandri:
A Spiderman outfit. Last time he put it on he won at Mugello.

John Hopkins:
A broken lie detector so he is not so honest when talking to Race Direction about that first bend at Motegi.

Jeremy McWilliams:
Something special for the over forties as he approaches 'that age' next year.

Kenny Roberts Jr:
A magicians kit to try and conjure some more performance from the Suzuki.

Neil Hodgson:
A Charles Atlas Body Building Kit, not only to stop having sand kicked in his face, but also to build up those muscles to hold onto the desmo Ducati next season after a comfortable 'armchair' ride on the Superbike.

Kurtis Roberts:
An Ikea catalogue to help him replace some of the furniture that may be thrown out of hotel windows when he joins his dad's team next season.

Gary Taylor (Suzuki Team Manager):
A suit and tie for Royal visits.

Jerry Burgess (Valentino Rossi's Crew Chief):
A home brewing kit after moving to Yamaha headquarters in Italy from Honda's in Belgium.

Kenny Roberts:
A boat after describing the Proton KR four-stroke engine as a good boat anchor. Also a series of golf cart driving lessons after a few incidents over the last couple of years.

Mick Doohan:
Something to hide those grey hairs.

Randy Mamola:
Tranquillisers and a new wig.

Race Direction:
A dictionary with highlighted sections on 'racing' and 'competition'.



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